The Nice Man from BT


I’ve not been around too much the past couple of weeks for several reasons. One, I was away in Berlin for a week and I came back with what I thought was a cold. Now I’m convinced that I had a virus of some sort because it was still lingering, I couldn’t stop coughing and felt tired and lethargic all the time. To be honest I really had no interest in anything and was even off my food, which says a lot. Also had a bit of a problem with our BT telephone line. We don’t really use it because my company provides me with phone services over an enhanced broadband link which my wife uses as well. Anyway to cut a long story short the line must have been getting noisier and noisier and we didn’t notice because we don’t use the BT phone. It was only just before Easter that the broadband link started to fail intermittently that I thought I better investigate why. Being a telephone engineer it didn’t take long to find the problem. Now comes the fun, reporting the fault. BT residential fault reporting now goes through to India where they can run checks on your line.

Me: I’d like to report a fault on 01934 62xxxx (you don’t think I’d give you the number)
BT: Do you have broadband in the house?
Me: Yes and I’ve disconnected the filters, unplugged the other phones in the house and gone right to the BT test socket with another phone to check for noise on the line (I told you I was a telephone engineer, amongst other things)
BT: Can you unplug the filters….
Me: I’ve already done that
BT: OK, we’ll run a test. Can I call you back on 01934 62xxxx?
Me: No the line is too noisy, I’ve diverted it to 01252 53xxxx
BT: Is that a mobile number?
Me: Yes
BT: It’s not a mobile number, it’s in Farnborough
Me: Yes it is a mobile. I have “One Number” (call a BT landline number, it’ll find your mobile if you don’t answer the landline, hey I work for a communications company)
BT: OK I’m going to test the line now

Five minutes later, my mobile rings

BT: We have tested the line and the fault is in your house. If the engineer comes out and it’s your equipment at fault it will cost you £115 + VAT and £99 per hour to rectify the fault
Me: I have isolated all the equipment there’s nothing connected to the BT line so send the engineer out. However I would like to point out that in the last 2 years BT have had to climb the pole outside my house 3 times to rectify faults on the line. It might be there again.
BT: No, it’s definitely in the house (I would like to point out that it’s very hard for BT to make a diagnosis like this with the automated equipment they use) That will be tomorrow sir, sometime in the morning
Me: Fine, I’ll expect him tomorrow

2 hours later my mobile phone rings

BT: Hello sir, it’s the engineer, I’m up the pole outside your house. Can you confirm that you have isolated all equipment from the line.
Me: Yes, is the problem on the junction box?
BT: Yes sir, water has got in and caused rusting on the terminals, Should have it fixed soon.

5 minutes later, Knock on the door. The nice man from BT has come to tell me that the line is fixed and is now noise free……..

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